Tuesday, August 14, 2012

It's Been A Crazy Two Weeks

Well, the title says it all.

I don't really want to write this post. But, at some point, we have to face everything if we like it or not.

I'm not going to LSU this fall.

Which means I'm probably never "going away to school." I've dreamed of going away to school my whole life. When I graduated high school I did the responsible thing and went to community college. And I met my amazing husband and moved to be closer to him. So, I didn't get to do what I always planned and dreamed of.

And so, I got myself accepted and got everything lined up and we were ready to go. We bought the furniture, I signed up for orientation, we packed the cars and we went to check into our apartment.

And we realized our furniture was never going to fit. It just wasn't going to work. So, we quickly started looking for another place to live and found the most amazing apartment and we were in apartment love. We applied for the apartment and started heading home.

We couldn't make it out of Baton Rouge. We both had that gut feeling that we were doing the wrong thing. So we stopped, talked about it, prayed about it and made the extremely difficult decision to stay in New Orleans.

You see, Mr. B got offered an awesome job and it's best that he takes it and it's best we're in New Orleans for it. I'm very excited for him and I know it's going to be great for him and us! I totally support him in taking it!

But, part of me is very disappointed. This was pretty much the last chance for me to go to a school where I would be super proud of going to it. Where I wanted to own my entire wardrobe in purple and gold. I was picking out my notebooks and had found adult ways to incorporate purple and gold into our apartment. I was 110% in. I was imagining walking campus and going to games. I was ready.

It was pretty much my last chance. I'm 25 years old. Let's face it. It's kind of hard to "go away to college" when you're 25. But, I was at the last point I could really do it. You see, I don't fit in with traditional students but I don't fit in with the non-traditional students either. I was going to get to pick which group I was in and I was going to fit with the traditional students. I wanted to go to all of the campus activities and sit in the student section. I was all in.

And now, I have to close a door on that dream.

And it makes me sad. I've been really disappointed. And I have been dreading writing this post.

And this is going to keep haunting me for awhile. I'm going to get emails and I'm going to get mail and I've got to figure out what to do about all of my purple and gold stuff - including my new Erin Condren planner. I've done all of the retail therapy I can do and now I have to face reality.

I'm sad about it. But, I'm getting everything in order for school at UNO this semester. And we're settling our stuff back into his parents house. After everything settles down at his new job, we're going to find an apartment and move out but we have to get everything in order for it.

And y'all, I know how good it is that he got this job. It really is a god-send. I just am very sad that I'm not going to get to have this experience. And that I will probably never be able to have this experience. And it hurts because I was so close to being there.

So, now it out there. I'm going to hit publish on this post and soon I'll be back to blogging. Just give me a little bit of time to finish processing this.


Katie said...

Aw, I'm so sorry, but you know they say everything happens for a reason. I know there have been plenty of dreams I've had to give up on that I know I'll never be able to do in this life, and it sucks. There's no reason that you can't still be a big LSU fan/groupie and keep your purple and yellow stuff, though!
I'm sorry you had to give up on your dream, and I wish I could say you'll move on and not care, but truth is you may always be sad about it and/or regret it. That doesn't mean you won't have new, maybe even better dreams still to come. I know I'm terribly guilty of making a bigger deal of things in my head than they really are - "Oh it would have gone like this, and this, and I would have done that, and it would have been so perfect!" But really, it probably would have gone nothing like that, and maybe I would have hated it. I'm not saying you would have, just that... well, maybe something better is in the works and you just don't know about it yet. I'm there with you on the sadness though. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is take your time, mourn your loss, and find closure, otherwise you could end up with a lot of resentment, and that will only hold you back. I'm sure awesome things are coming your way!

Melissa said...

Oh, Betty! My heart dropped! I have been SO excited about y'all coming! And couldn't wait! Guess this means I'll be coming to New Orleans & doing some photo practice at city park with you after all. ;)

I'm seriously so sorry. That really sucks! But if this is God's plan for you then it will be better than you have imagined!! :) Will be praying for you that everything falls into place & that you love UNO.

And you can totally still sport some LSU stuff!

Hugs, girl. Praying for you!

Laura said...

My lovely friend Melissa (in the above comment) mentioned your blog to me so I thought I would check it out.

I know how much it can suck to have to close a door to a dream but as I read this my heart got sooooo incredibly excited for you! I KNOW that when you obey God and do what He asks and follow His plan (which is what I am understanding you did in this situation) He will reward you in ways that you never thought possible!

Guess I need to follow your blog now so I can see how this all unfolds as life moves forward. :)

That said... It's ok to be sad.

site design by designer blogs